Ah!!! It’s the season of love, and overpriced floral arrangements. Tiger Woods offered his estranged wife Elin $300 million to get out of the doghouse.

I know, I know—she was pretty miffed at the multitude of waitresses and porn stars he was having sexual relations with. But $300 million? That is a fantastic amount of money.
They were married for five years. $300 million after five years of marriage is $5 million a month… $1.16 million a week. That is $166,000 a day. There is not a woman alive who wouldn’t book the hookers for her husband herself if the end result was $300 million. Put a little safe sex clause in there and hand me my cell phone, and we’ll get this party started. “Um…I’ll be shopping till 8 p.m., honey, so I won’t be home till then... and… I’ll remember to call first.”

Tiger almost did her a favor. Five years ago she was a nanny. (I know…she was a model too, but she must have been a relatively small time model to be working as a nanny as well. You don’t see Elle McPherson picking up babysitting gigs.) Elin is now positioned to be the single most sought after female on the planet. She is drop dead gorgeous, uncommonly wealthy, and, provided Tiger returns to the links, will look like a saint when she takes the kids to major golf tournaments.

What man wouldn’t be willing to take a few days off to help her take the kids to the Masters? And if he is really a good boyfriend, he will make himself available to take the kids to watch their dad play at the British Open, the PGA, and the U.S. Open as well. I can just hear him…“Of course Elin, honey! I don’t mind at all! I guess I’m just a giver.”
And as for that house she bought that is only accessible by boat? Does she think that a boat ride is going to serve as a dating dissuasion? For a beautiful young woman with $300 million, that house might as well be reached exclusively by yak ride.

Elin’s gonna be fine. The impulse in a man to philander is a strong and ancient pull. It supposedly hearkens to the days of cavemen who were first attempting to tame their environment and populate the earth. The continuation of their DNA was another form of survival. What do you get when you drag a buffalo back to the campfire and feed the hungry pack of Cro-Magnons? You get your DNA continued. Throughout the ages, other than a few wild Amazon women and some errant goddesses, females have been less driven by the whole gene passing thing.

Perhaps if continuing your DNA involved another human being exiting your pelvic girdle, men would have developed another instinctive fondness. But they didn’t, so the story goes on. And it’s certainly not just Tiger. If you’re going to hold a meeting for athletes indulging in improper sexual activity, you had better book a big room. One that will hold most of the NBA and NFL, for starters. Widen the circle to include politicians, and the stories get even better. Throw in some televangelists, and it’s one big testosterbone.So let’s cut Tiger some slack.

He wasn’t exactly breaking new ground. Elin Woods makes me feel bad for some other women.
Don’t you know that the wives of Rick Pitino, Kobe Bryant, and Marv Albert are ticked off. Not only did they not get a whopping big sack of cash after their husbands’ transgressions—(impregnating an aide’s wife, sex with a hotel employee, and cross-dressing sex that involved biting, respectively)—they didn’t get the cleansing closure of wailing on their man with a golf club on the way out the door.
Don’t you know that Senator Larry Craig’s wife would have loved to have been holding a golf club when his aide called and said “There’s been a slight problem in an airport bathroom stall…” Bless her heart. Where’s her $300 million?
That Elin… some girls get all the luck.