My cousin Lauren and I once discussed the merits and pitfalls of an invitation’s font for over four months. Hashing out the particulars of party-throwing is our favorite shared pastime—not everything can be looked up in Emily Post. Believe me, we’ve tried. And so we invite B-Metro readers to email the two of us your questions about entertaining: How does one incorporate some measure of grown-up fun into a first birthday party? Can a collection of koozies ever be made to look passable on a buffet? Is it acceptable to plan an entire cocktail hour around the discovery of a particularly stunning antique sterling tomato server? (1) No detail is too small to be of interest. Truly.

"When is it necessary to have hired help for a party? I'm not in the
position to be able to have a full staff, but am having more than a
few guests over for a party."?

Laura M., Crestwood

My thoughts:

It depends partially on your tolerance for having strangers underfoot,
your particular weaknesses/strengths as a host(ess), and and the
nature of the event. Mostly, though, it depends on what you feel
comfortable spending to take tasks out of your hands.

My personal limit for “solo flight” is a ten-person dinner party, a
semi-nice stand-around-and-eat/drink party of about 20, or a DIY
potluck-style free-for-all of about 35 besties. My good friends tend
to be pretty casual by nature - if they all came over with kids, I
wouldn’t feel hesitant about setting up food and drink tables, and
pointing out the garbage cans, and making an occasional sweep to clear
up the detritus and refill cheese dip. In that case, though, they’d
probably all be helping out - not the position into which you want
“non-BFF” guests like, say, your husband’s boss’ wife, to feel
pressured.

For a larger party that requires me to don lipstick and Real Shoes, my
first hire is someone to handle the mid-party clean-up and food refill-
age, because that’s what I like doing least at a party. I’m also a
lousy flower arranger, and so I used to fork out for that, until I
found out that if you bring your containers to Whole Foods Market, all
you pay for is the stems. They do the arranging for free. Mama likes
free.

In general, you want to avoid setting up a situation in which you’re
running around like a maniac doing ten jobs, and visiting with none of
your guests. If you don’t have the bank to throw a 50-person cocktail
dress Christmas party in a way that frees you up to chat and keeps
half-eaten canapes off the coffee table, scale back your guest list
and throw the kind of party at which everyone - including you - will
be relaxed and happy.

Lauren’s answer:

The decision to hire staff to assist with your entertaining is very
subjective. If having a stranger in your house helping only means
you're going to spend the entire evening correcting and bossing them
around, only to be left unsatisfied, perhaps hiring staff for your
event isn't the best thing. However, if you're an inexperienced or
very busy party thrower with the financial means to hire some
assistance, this could be a good solution for you. That said, there
are about a million different ways to pay for someone to grease the
wheels of your party machine: you can pay a florist, hire a valet,
have someone run a coat check, hire a bartender, have someone there to
keep up with the dirty dishes, hire a caterer, pay someone to address
your invitations ... the possibilities are endless.

Some people hate the hustle and bustle of the "during party" tasks and
just want to be able to sit and enjoy themselves. However, I have
friends who are a little more shy and having things to keep them busy
make them feel more comfortable. So, for example, if you live in
neighborhood where parking may be an issue and the weather is calling
for rain, a valet could be helpful. If your home is smaller and
glasses and cocktail plates have a tendency to stack up, you might
want someone at the house to help them magically find their way to the
dishwasher. The purpose of having someone help you with your
entertaining tasks is to make you and your guests more at ease. So
naturally, taking the things off your plate that are the most
stressful will be the best route to a happy evening.

Even if you can’t fit hiring a "problem solver" into your budget, you
can still eliminate some of your entertaining stresses by planning
ahead. Allow yourself more time to map out your event and think
through the details. Simplify the menu options to "fingers-only
appetizers" so you don't have to contend with dirty silverware.
Eliminate the need for a bartender by simplifying your beverage
offerings. Have friends over one night to help address your
invitations. You will find a little planning goes a long way in
helping you have a successful, smoothly run event, without breaking
the bank.