Stay Up Wind of Nancy

Micah,
I have a friend that I love hanging out with. I have been hanging out with her for a year or so. Recently, several other acquaintances of mine, made comments about her body odor. I had never noticed it before that time. I started to pay attention and it seems as though I hadn’t noticed it because we hadn’t been in a club type situation where it gets hot and sweaty until recently. She is such a gorgeous woman and so affectionate, especially when she gets drunk; always throwing her arms around me and everyone else. The odor is overpowering. I am certain that it is affecting her dating life. She is a gorgeous exotic Indian beauty with a hot body and brains…a perfect woman. Men love her at first then all seem to drift off shortly thereafter. She doesn’t wear antiperspirant/deodorant, which is such a simple fix! I really want to tell her, but she is a VERY sensitive person. Help!

Invisible Solid

Dear Invisible,
I really want to know how bad her stink is? Is it just like sweaty-runner bad, or is it that really rancid sweet stink? Does it smell like that pink sawdust the janitor in elementary school poured over vomit in the hallway? I know you know what I am talking about. If its that one then someone needs to hold her down and spread some Right Guard Sport all over her.
Oh well, it doesn’t really matter. Either way I think she needs to be told. When issues like this pop up, sometimes you can tip-toe around the situation without hurting any feelings and just give several suggestive hints. A personal favorite of mine is to discuss “another person” I know. Just make up a name of someone you are supposed to know, say Nancy, and talk about how Nancy doesn’t believe in deodorant or toothpaste or something, and then explain how she just wreaks most of the time. Make up some story that demonstrates how embarrassing it is to be around Nancy or how the problem is affecting her life. Maybe Nancy has all the men she can handle through the Winter months, but when Spring and Summer roll around and she starts to perspire, the men drop like flies, and so do the flies. Your friend will certainly know that you are referring to her or at the very least that there are similarities between she and Nancy, but at least you have had the decency to try and give her advice under the guise of a fictitious person. No one likes to be humiliated, and because of that I always try to give people plenty of room to “save face”.
BUT, if they still won’t take the hint, then I will get more blunt about it. For example once I worked with someone who had awful breathe, I mean it could wilt flowers. This person was one of those all-natural people and only brushed with natural ingredient toothpaste. I don‘t know if you are familiar with the product, but the one time I tried natural toothpaste it tasted like it‘s primary ingredients were swamp moss and chalk. I tried the hinting route to my co-worker. It didn’t work. Finally I had just had enough and I pulled him aside and told him, “Your breath smells of the grave. I think that you should either get some real toothpaste, or incorporate a welder’s mask into your daily work attire so that the rest of us don‘t have to suffer.”
He seemed somewhat offended, but I felt relieved to have it finally out there in the open. We are no longer friends, but I never liked him that much anyway. It’s hard to feel close to someone whose breath smells like garbage water. However, he listened to me. His breath was noticeably different from then on and I still believe he has me to thank for his ever having married and had children.

The Sound of Music

Dear Micah,
My son has taken up the guitar. I have paid for lessons and I have given him enough time to improve and he is still terrible. I mean really bad. The screeching is really working my nerves. I think we should tell him he’s not any good, but my husband says we have to encourage him. What should we really do?

Unsupportive

Dear Unsupportive,
I’m with you. Tell him. I am a firm believer that one should always encourage their child to try things, but you should also teach him that its okay to fail at something too. I think too often kids believe that failure isn’t an option. Isn’t that a lot of pressure to place on a young person’s shoulders? Kids need to know that it’s all right to not be good at something.
And if he’s embarrassingly bad at something, I think he needs his parents to tell him so. He relies on you to be honest with him and to tell him when he’s bad at something so that he does not look a fool. If you need any evidence of that, just think back to the American Idol try-outs. Some of those kids should have been warned by their parents, “You are not good,” or “You sing through your nose and it’s disturbing,” or “your father was never totally convinced you’re his.” So tell your son to quit the guitar and try to help him find some other hobby. If he insists on continuing, invest in ear plugs.

Dear Micah,
Should I move in with my boyfriend? We have been together for three months and get along rather well. No major fights. I have a three year old daughter and he has a six month old son who lives with his mom. My boyfriend gets him every other weekend. My mother tells me its too soon. My sister tells me that I shouldn’t pass up on a man who is willing to commit to a woman with a child. What is the best option?

Melissa

Dear Melissa,
Stay where you are and tell your sister that she may have to settle for any man that will take her, but you don’t. In my opinion this relationship is too new to take to the moving in stage. By your own words you get along “rather’ well with no “major” fights. There really shouldn’t be any fights at this stage. Maybe it was just a bad choice of words and you do get along very well. Even so, you don’t want to risk confusing your three year old by introducing a man in a father figure capacity this early in her life unless you are CERTAIN that he is going to provide a stable environment. And frankly, if he has a six month old son and you have been dating him for three months, then he was just three months out of a serious relationship or marriage when you met him. I think that’s a little to soon for him to be starting up an instant new family with another woman.
Slow it down and just date a while. You’d hate to move in and then break up and put your daughter through all of that chaos needlessly. As for that sister of yours, what is her deal anyway? Does she really believe that? Please tell her that I said that desperation is never a good reason to be in a relationship. Even ugly people find love. I know, I’ve seen them, it’s somewhat beautiful and yet disgusting at the same time. I hope her optimism improves.