Ask Micah

The Romance Rut

Dear Micah,

I have been looking for the right man, the one I am meant to be with, and every time I think I've found him he changes on me after a few months. I don't think that I am doing anything wrong, I am just the same way I have always been, but they change on me. All the affection and attention goes away and we are just left sitting together on a couch watching TV. I need the spontaneity and the flowers and the romance. Are there no guys out there that will give me that? Is there something I am doing that is causing them to fall into a rut? I am tired of picking guys that aren't what they seem. Help me.

Bored

Dear Bored,

You aren't in a rut. He is happy and comfortable with you and you just want the excitement to never end. So here is what you have to do to keep that from happening...dump him and find a new man, then after two months, dump him and find a newer one, then dump him...I am not joking. This is seriously my advice. You are not able to be happy with a single man. The spontaneity you require is only going to come from new men. That brand of impulsive romance comes only at the beginning when everything is new and you are both just getting to know each other and trying to make an impact on the other. Unfortunately, a relationship cannot remain at Stage One indefinitely; At some point the partners are going to get comfortable with each other and stop trying to impress and dazzle the other one. Your boyfriends keep transitioning to Stage Two of the relationship while you want them to stay stuck in Stage One. The only way to stay at that level is to change the partner with some frequency. Most people want that steady, stable partner that is happy to sit home with them, but you aren't like that. You want the whirlwind and the romance and the action and you are just not going to find a man who is going to hover at the romantic, giddy level forever. It's just not going to happen. So if you will accept that you are a love 'em and leave 'em kind of girl then you will be very happy. You will also be kind of a slut, but that just comes with the territory.

Time to Tell

Dear Micah,

My kids are six and nine years old and they still believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. I was wondering how long I should expect them to keep believing and is there an age where I should just tell them? This past Christmas I was scared to death that my nine year old was going to figure it out and say something to me in front of the six year old. I want them to believe as long as possible but I also don't want them to believe for too long and look uncool to their friends at school. With Easter on its way I am again worried that my older child is going to figure it out and spill the beans. How should I handle this?

Easter Mom

Dear Mom,

The Easter Bunny has always been the thing that I found the weirdest. I can buy the old man in the red suit, living in a cold climate, and making toys to pass the time; But a bunny rabbit dragging millions of baskets with plastic eggs and presents is just weird at any age. Who thought that one up anyway? And why stop at the bunny and Santa for gift giving holiday creatures? Why doesn't the ever elusive Sweet Gum Tree come swooping down and leave presents, pine cones, and little bottles of maple syrup for the good boys and girls on Arbor Day? And why doesn't the ghost of President James K. Polk rise from the grave and deliver toys to all the good boys and girls on President's Day? I know Linus has been trying to get the Great Pumpkin off the ground for several decades now with minimal success. It's just all very strange to me. But to answer your question, I wouldn't worry about the truth coming out at all. Let it all unfold naturally. So what if the older kid spills the beans to the younger? That'll just save you the worry that he or she is getting too old to still believe. I found out when I was six when my cousin told me. Honestly I am shocked at the ages of some kids who claim to still believe. At least they say they believe. I really don't think that they do by the time they get around 10 or 11. I think that they think that it will disappoint their mothers and fathers if they don't pretend, or maybe they think the presents will stop when you no longer believe. A twelve year old is supposed to be pretty smart, so I really doubt any are walking around truly believing in Santa. At the very least they are questioning it. So your nine year old probably knows already and is just going along with it for the sake of your other child and you. You could talk to the parents of your nine year-olds friends. See if the other kids still believe, and if so maybe all you moms come up with an agreed upon time when you all tell your kids the truth. That way you can avoid the dreaded phone call from some random angry mom when your little Spencer has run to the school announcing that there is no Santa. The main thing is that you shouldn't get disheartened. You've had some fun years with Santa and the Easter Bunny. The holiday memories, presents, and fun don't have to stop just because the children find out. Look at it this way, you will finally get the credit you have deserved for the fantastic gifts!

Partying like She's 19 in 99

Dear Micah,

All of my friends are younger than I am. I am in my late thirties and all of my friends are in their early twenties. I am having a great time. My friends and I go to concerts, clubs, and have so much fun together. There are only two real problems with my situation. The first is my family and the few older friends I have. They all make fun of me and tell me I am acting ridiculous, but they don't understand that people my own age are so settled that its boring. The other problem is men. I may hang out with twenty-somethings, but I don't look twenty-something, so I date in my own age bracket. Unfortunately, the men I date do not want to hang out with my younger friends, which poses a problem. So how can I keep my fun friends, get my family off my back, and still find a guy to share my life with?

S.G.

Dear S. G.,

As for the family and your older friends, it doesn't matter what they think. Personally, I think that you probably look out of place and a little ridiculous myself, but you know what? It doesn't matter what I think either. Nobody died and made me the Appropriate Police, although someone should. Anyway, if you are enjoying yourself and your young friends don't have any problems with an older person being in on their fun, there's no real harm. It sounds like you are a pretty intelligent person. You aren't deluding yourself, you know that you are not their age and you know that you aren't fooling anyone into believing you are. You are also fully aware that you look your age and you aren't trying to pass yourself off as younger and date younger men. So all in all, you are a pretty together gal. However, you are probably going to always have a problem merging your dating world and your friendship world. The men you are dating are never going to be comfortable hanging out with a bunch of "kids". And you wouldn't want them to be. Think about it, if your man felt at ease hanging around with a bunch of twenty-somethings, he'd probably be dating one. It sounds like the men you are attracted to are pretty comfortable with their age and aren't trying to recapture their youth. So you need to keep your date-nights separate from your friend-nights. It just isn't going to garner you any points with men if they see you immersed in a world they outgrew fifteen years ago. I mean, not many people are too comfortable on a dancefloor twirling to Lady Gaga if they still remember doing the same thing to El Debarge. For me personally, I think that if you have ever heard the words Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam before, it's time to go home and watch CSI, or as I call it, today's Murder She Wrote.

If you have a question for Micah, please email him at MicahCargo@hotmail.com.