Why is it still beginning to look a lot like Christmas?

Dear Micah

Would it be rude if I carefully removed my neighbor's Christmas greenery and lights from their porch railing and placed it neatly in a box on their porch. It's almost Easter. I don't want to see the Christmas stuff out anymore?

Christmas Police

Dear Officer in charge of Exterior Decor,

I think you should take their Christmas garland and lights and wrap one end around their doorknob and the other around their porch railing and cinch it up really tight, making it impossible for them to open their door to exit their home. Then gather every man, woman, and child in the neighborhood and all of you surround their house and sing only the first section of Jingle Bells (in my opinion the most over-sung part of the most over-sung Christmas song ever). Sing it loudly and relentlessly. Do not stop until those neighbors have truly learned what is feels like to be sick of Christmas and to want it put away until next year. I am with you. In my neighborhood alone there are still two Christmas wreaths on doors, one mailbox display, and a couple of those tacky flags with some teddy bear in a red sweater holding a candy cane. And while we're on the subject how did teddy bears get to be an official Christmas character? The teddy bear didn't magically come to life when some kids gave him two eyes made out of coal. His nose doesn't light the way for Santa. And no wise men ever trekked miles across the desert to see a teddy bear laying in a manger. So I don't get his purpose. Regardless, its February people!!! Almost March! I could let Christmas decor slide if it were, say the second week in January and you had a death in the family. But when Groundhog Day rolls around you just have no excuses anymore. Get your Christmas decor back in your attic or basement. The only reason I can find that any sane person would still have Christmas up would be those with family in the war. But here's an idea. Keep your tree up inside all you want and the day he or she is coming back home from overseas then you can toss that wreath on the door. So thank you Christmas Police for your very important letter and for noticing how disturbing holiday decorations are after the holidays are over. You are right and if I had my sword, and any official authority at all, I would knight you for the observation.

Face in the Crowd

Dear Micah

Yesterday I took some pictures at my nephews birthday party and I noticed that my son is making some kind of silly face in all of them. When I saw it I was reminded that he did the same thing in our Christmas pictures too. I remembered that I said something to him then about how he'd ruined our family pictures by making faces and using his fingers to make rabbit ears over his sister's head. That's why I can't understand why he would ruin my nephew's photos now. Is this just a boy thing? Will he grow out of this?

Concerned Mom

Dear Mom,

Yes he will grow out of this. There aren't too many grown men who continue to make faces and throw up hand gestures during photographs, unless of course their new rap CD is about to drop. With that said, I don't think this problem should be written off as just a boy-thing either. I think it goes a little deeper than that. Although many kids will make faces or gestures that they think are funny from time to time in pictures, it isn't a constant behavior, maybe one out of five pictures at best. But for him to demonstrate this behavior every time he has a photo taken suggests that your son may be a little insecure and the insecurity is heightened when it comes time to have his picture taken. It is highly unlikely that your son truly believes that these ridiculous faces are actually funny, or that he will garner roaring laughter when people see him hold up two fingers over his sister's head. These are simply "nervous ticks", his way of attempting to look relaxed and nonchalant through something that is making him uncomfortable. You didn't say how old he is right now. Maybe he is at that awkward adolescent age where his body is gangly and strange and he really just doesn't want it documented. I'd suggest pulling out all of your family photos and examine them to see if this has been an on-going, years-long behavior. In the meantime, if he were my son, I'd just try to use some psychology techniques to snap him out of it. Find a picture or two that was taken without his knowledge when he isn't making the faces. Just run across it "accidentally" while he's around and make a comment like, "You are such a good looking guy." When he asks what you are talking about, show him the picture and say something like, "I just snapped this randomly, but look how good you look in it." Now don't go too far to where he figures out what you're doing. Just slowly, casually, over time make some uplifting personal remarks about him. Build his confidence and see if his insecurities dissipate. If he starts to believe that no one is going to be critical of his appearance in pictures then maybe that clown that keeps showing up in them will leave.

Party Pooper

Dear Micah

My son's birthday is coming up. We are planning a party for him and his little friends. My son loves chocolate cake and I was going to get him a chocolate Spiderman cake. The problem is that one of my neighbor's children is allergic to chocolate, and she is very vocal about how rude it is to have chocolate birthday cake when her son can't eat any. She pitched a fit at another birthday party last year of another neighbor's child. How should I handle this. My son really wants his chocolate Spiderman cake. But I really don't want a scene with my neighbor. And even if I have a small cake for her son, she will still throw a fit.

L.J.

Dear L.J.

There is no dealing with this woman. She is one of those people who believes that just because her child has specific limitations, every other child should go without too. I can't stand these people. It's the same thing as that woman who tried to stop the ice cream truck man from coming through the neighborhood simply because her son was lactose intolerant. It's stupid logic. I wish these kinds of people could remember that the world revolves on its axis, not eggshells. It isn't fair for the other children to have to sacrifice something they want because of her opinions, yet at the same time you don't want to ostracize her poor son. I think having a small vanilla cake for him is more than sufficient. However, see if the store can decorate his small cake with some kind of Spiderman design so that he isn't completely left out of the theme. If and when the mother makes a remark, I would say, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize that your son was so delicate that he might fall completely apart at the sight of other children eating a different kind of cake." Then I'd just slap her, you know, for funnsies. That's what I'd do. But I also reserve the right to set fire to anyone that misbehaves at one of my parties. We pass the marshmellows around on sticks and enjoy the blaze. Sometimes the blaze gets to running across the yard but we eventually chase it down and roast our tasty treats. Very few people misbehave at my house, or at least they never seem to do it twice.

If you have a problem that you would like to Ask Micah about, or if you just want to get his opinion on something, email him at MicahCargo@hotmail.com.